The Sarlacc's Gentle Caress (Chapter 3)

The Sarlacc…was I really going to do this? While boarding the shuttle, somewhere deep inside of me I screamed out for someone, anyone, to notice that something was wrong with me. Had just one person looked my way with concern on their face or asked if I was ok I would have broken down. I would have told anyone with the slightest hint of interest what I was about to do. Everyone was wrapped up in their own lives. The shuttle teemed with the anticipation of lives that lay ahead as we neared our destination. I was a shell, an empty cloak hiding in a corner. With nothing else to do, I listened.

All through the flight there was a lot of boring talk about political maneuvering in a place they called House Fion. No one noticed the quiet shadow in the corner coming to terms with the end of her life. When we finally landed on Tatooine I felt so heavy. I was here; I had to do what I set out to do. I couldn’t go back. Bestine was filled with people. If it wasn’t for all the dust I would have thought I was back on Naboo.

Slowly I made my way to the cantina to find someone to take me to my newest destination. When I got to the door, my step faltered. The once familiar sound of music seeped through the door, flowing towards me, taunting me. It wrapped around my heart like the touch of a jilted lover begging me to take it back. My soul screamed for me to play a song, not even a whole song, just a few notes, but I couldn’t. I stood frozen in between worlds. A step forward and I could embrace the life I once knew. I could be happy again. My soul would be free. But I knew it would be a hollow freedom, so I stood frozen.

Eventually someone started talking to me. Through broken conversation I found out he had a transport. He (he could have just as well been a female, I can never tell what sex Ithorians are) didn’t speak much basic but somehow I got him to understand where I needed to go. Once we agreed on a price we were off.

The ride itself was uneventful. We didn’t talk which was fine by me. He dropped me off as close as he dared, which ended up being about three thousand meters from it, pointed in the direction I needed to go, and laughed at me as he drove off. I was stopped by a momentary hesitation; a fleeting doubt had crept into my mind. I looked around at all the nothingness surrounding me, like the emptiness that filled my heart, and felt a strange kinship to this land. Determined not to fail in my mission, I gritted my teeth and soldiered on.

I walked for hours with my head down in the dark night. After stumbling a few times I decided that I should stop and rest. After all, I could barely keep my eyes open. I fell down into the cool night sand and laid my head on my pack. Seeing my mandovil laying on the ground next to me I tentatively stroked its strings. It had a strange familiarity to it; one I knew could easily be broken. A tear slid down my cheek and made a tiny dust storm when it hit the sand. I pulled my mandovil in closer and drifted off into fitful dreams, not realizing that the Sarlacc was almost within my grasp.

I’m here to tell you that spice hallucinations have nothing on the ones you get from the Sarlacc. I dreamt in vivid colours and deep emotions. There was no rhyme or reason to my dreams, most I can’t even remember and they really weren’t important. I struggled to pull myself out of the madness. Somewhere between waking and dreaming I saw him.

He looked so calm, so happy. I cried out to him, reaching desperately for him, “Pappa!!!!” But he never heard me. My vision clouded with tears and pain. How could he be so close and not see me! His little girl was hurting, frantic for comfort and his love, but he never came. I felt even more alone. Finally, I drifted off into another fitful sleep. Sounds of music filled me. Pappa’s laughter wrapped around me and rocked me gently.

I was back in the lab playing music for him. His eyes were on me, a wistful smile on his face. Somewhere deep in my memories I heard him speak to me.

“Ray, your music is a gift. I gave you the ability to use it but you have made it your own. Your notes give me hope. That hope brings healing. Remember that when I am gone. Don’t let it go.”

“Oh Pappa, please don’t say that. You’re going to live forever.”

How innocent I was back then. I didn’t know the first thing about pain or despair.

I cried in my sleep, my body tight with anguish and doubt. I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder and when I opened my eyes I found myself in a hospital bed. The doctor was a sweet old lady who looked like she hadn’t slept in days. I found out later that I had been diseased by the Sarlacc while I slept. A moisture farmer came upon me and brought me to the hospital. I had been there for four days while the doctor worried over me. Knowing I would be too embarrassed to answer the doctor’s prying questions about why I was out by the Sarlacc, when I was well enough, I grabbed my things and walked out the door. I stopped briefly to look back and thank her for saving me.

The glare of the sun was harsh on my eyes and the heat was almost unbearable. Gently I ran my tongue over my dry cracked lips tasting blood. My heart was slowly starting to heal. My desire to end my life was stolen by the words my pappa had spoken to me in my visions while I lay convoluted in the hospital. So here I stood, in yet another doorway, with another path ahead of me. Where would I go? Would I ever be able to play music again?

Pappa’s words echoed in my mind as I took my first steps down the road to a new life. I wasn’t going to let it go this time. I wouldn’t let him down again.